sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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