ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
