made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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