and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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