And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
