shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
