do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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