me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
