At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
