Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
