This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
