Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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