He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
