Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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