I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish you could order shots online.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
