I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
