ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
