Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
