Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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