my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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