Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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