I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
