So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
