I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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