you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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