I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
