i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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