She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
