If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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