I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you never un-have a 4some
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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