well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
