Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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