Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
