she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
