Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
