so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
