he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
