when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
