peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
