My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
