I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
