even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
