My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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