I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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