shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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