Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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