I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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