i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
