Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
