my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love having hate sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
